Foundation Fun (by which I mean no fun at all)

Wow, ok, hi guys. I’m still alive. Life got…interesting for a while. It continues to be fairly “interesting”, for that matter, and long-form blogging just sort of got to be a little too much for me to keep up with. I’ve been active recently on Instagram (come visit me! I’m themakeupklutz there!), where I can focus on pictures, visual comparisons, and the occasional snarky comment, but tonight as I was typing up a four-paragraph IG caption, it occurred to me: I have a blog! I can blog on the, you know, blog. Like a blogger. With a blog.

And thus, I blog!

Today’s adventure involves the dreaded foundation matching. This has been giving me trouble for ages, and I’ve got almost an entire drawer’s worth of failed attempts to match myself. See, as best I’ve been able to tell, I have two problems that make me hard to match. First, I am pale. Super-pale. Uber-pale. Pale as fuck, one might even say. Second, my undertone is “what’s an undertone?” Which is to say, my skin is neutral; neither cool nor warm tones match quite right on me. But every company’s idea of “neutral” – if they bother to have one at all – seems to vary and, well, ugh.

So yeah. Much foundation has been purchased. Many teeth have been gnashed. Finally today, after trying yet another foundation from my drawer that didn’t seem quite right, I decided I was going to do something about it. I was going to march my little butt into a MAC store, throw myself on their mercy, and leave there triumphantly matched to The Foundation Shade.

Except…it didn’t quite work like that. The makeup artist who helped me was a little perplexed by my request, since she thought I’d walked in wearing a foundation that matched me perfectly and wasn’t quite sure why I was insisting it didn’t. Nevertheless, she agreed both that I am super-pale and that I’m aggressively neutral, and matched me (taking into account my “I’ve tried NC15 before and it just seemed so pale!”) to MAC Mineralize in NC20. I took some pictures, squinted in the mirror, and just couldn’t quite bring myself to pull the trigger. So the very understanding MUA sent me home with a sample.

When I got home, I decided, “You know what? I have all these foundations, and all this skin. Why not just…put them all on my face and see what matches best. I can do it overlapping jaw and neck, even, since they’re different colors!” So I did.

Foundation comparison 1
Revlon Whipped Creme Foundation in 150 Buff, Maybelline Dream Wonder Fluid Touch Foundation in Porcelain Ivory, CoverFX Total Cover Cream Foundation in G20, Sephora 10-hour Wear Perfection Foundation in Delicate Beige

And then I did some more.

Foundation comparison 2
MAC Mineralize NC20, Maybeline Dream Smooth Mousse Porcelain Ivory, Maybelline Dream Smooth Mousse Classic Ivory, Tarte Amazonian Clay Full Coverage Airbrush Foundation Fair-Light Neutral

Yeah, I’m still not warm-toned. Or cool toned. Or really anything other than “pale as fuck”. It turns out the MAC MUA wasn’t kidding: Porcelain Ivory is by far my best match out of my current stash. Now, I’ve been wearing the Tarte, the Revlon, and the Sephora foundations pretty regularly for the last few months, and all have been passable matches to my face but have looked weird next to my neck. The trouble is, the whole reason I hauled myself into MAC today is that the exact same thing happened with Maybelline’s Porcelain Ivory. So it seems like no matter what I put on, my neck is going to look weird?

Here’s shots of most of the main contenders on me over the past few months. My lighting isn’t consistent, but this at least compares each to my neck.

Revlon Whipped Cream Foundation - 150 Buff
Revlon Whipped Cream Foundation – 150 Buff (look details)
Sephora 10-Hour Wear Foundation Delicate Beige
Sephora 10-Hour Wear Foundation Delicate Beige (look details)
CoverFX Total Cover Cream Foundation G20
CoverFX Total Cover Cream Foundation G20 (look details)
Also CoverFX G20
Also CoverFX G20, wtf lighting (look details)
Maybelline Dream Smooth Mousse Foundation Porcelain Ivory
Maybelline Dream Smooth Mousse Foundation Porcelain Ivory (look details)

So yeah. I am a mutant maybe? My neck is a chameleon? My neck just hates me and will never match anything?

Should I keep wearing the ones that seem like OK matches? Should I go to Sephora/CVS/Rite Aid and just buy the palest shade every brand makes? I know NARS Siberia is popular amongst other super-pale MUAs.